Abigail, my dear....

Abigail, Abi, Aberdoodle, Turtle-

You are a dream come true for your mommy. From the time I knew women could have babies, I knew I wanted a little girl. I always dreamed of the day I could hold you in my arms, and the day I finally did was amazing. You were the easiest baby to give birth to. The nurse literally told me, as she was calling repeatedly for the doctor, not to sneeze because you would come out. When your brother met you for the first time, he was shocked that you really were a real thing, not just a huge belly. He has adored you ever since. You are HIS baby sister and he lets everyone know it.

You are now a 16 month old little girl with a passion for life. You wake up each morning with a smile and a squeel of excitement. I've been told a few times that you are exactly like me when I was your age. And from what I can tell, they are right. You can be the sweetest girl in the planet, but you sure like things YOUR way. To this day, you will not say Momma. You will say many other words but will NOT say Momma. When I ask you to say Momma, you laugh and say Dadda. This is now a funny game to you. I'm not amused (ok a little). We do a lot of sign language with you and you are so very proud of yourself at being able to communicate with us. We did this in hopes to help reduce the amount of whining you were doing (and boy do you do that!). At first you simply whined and signed at the same time. At this point we have almost eliminated the whining. You are a picky eater. Some days I can't get you to eat more than about 5 bites. You do however LOVE strawberries, tomatoes, cheese and bacon. Thank God for multi-vitamins.

You love your brother and your sister. You three are very loving and sweet together. Although you sometimes take your frustrations out on them by biting them. You aren't happy with the outcome of this because daddy usually tells you "no". When daddy tells you anything in a serious tone you look away, get very sad, stick your lip out, and CRY. This is quite amusing because you make it so very dramatic. But you wouldn't be your mother's daughter if you weren't dramatic!

We adore every ounce of you my darling daughter. You amaze us each day with new ways to love you. Continue veing you, because you are wonderful! We love you little girl!
Love,
Momma

Letter to Randall

Randall-Bug-Mr.Man-My Son,
You are three and a half now and the memories of you as a tiny bitty baby are fading quickly. This breaks my heart into a million pieces. I don't remember what your favorite baby foods were. I don't remember the moment you said your first word. I am slowly forgetting your exact birth story as well. These things are all documented in your baby book but our life right now fills my brain and those things that happened 3 years ago are not as clear. I very much so wish I would have blogged when you were younger. I feel like I have forgotten so much now that there are three kids in our house now. I am starting to document things on this blog now so I will be able to share them with you later.
My son, you are a JOY to be around. 95% of the time you are a dream of a child. You hardly ever argue with us and you generally want to do good. Usually if you want something your way we get to teach you about debating and explaining why you want something. Most of the time mom and dad win but there are times that we decide that because you are passionate about it and told us why you want it, you deserve to have it.
You are in the "why" stage. I'm guessing you ask us "why" about 200 times a day. You went through a small phase like this a couple months ago and now you are back in it full force. I try to answer your genuine "why's" with good honesty insightful answers. But then there are some times that I just plain have to ignore you. Now, I don't mean to sound like I don't want to answer your questions but son, you are downright ridiculous with your "why's" sometimes. Here is an example.
Mom- Randall please get dressed, here are your clothes.
Randall- Why?
Mom- Because we are leaving in a few minutes to go to the doctor and you need clothes on.
Randall- Why are we going to the doctor?
Mom- Because you have to see the doctor.
Randall- Why?
Mom- Because you are three now and he wants to see that you are growing big and strong.
Randall- Is it the place with the fish?
Mom- Yes, it is.
Randall- Why do they have fish?
Mom- Because some people like to have fish and children like to look at them.
Randall- Why?
Mom- Because fish are interesting and pretty to look at.
Randall- Why?
Mom- Randall, get your clothes on!
Randall- Why?

You get it? This makes mom crazy sometimes! Most of the time though, you have great questions. Usually if it is a question I think you can answer yourself I ask you "well what do you think?" You almost always answer correctly. This is your problem solving skills at work and I love it!
You are starting to learn how to write letters. You are a dilegent student according to your teacher. Dad and I are so proud of you that you are doing so well in preschool.

You are a wonderful big brother to your sisters. Abigail and Lillian love you very much. Your kindness and thoughtfullness towards them amazes me. You have a warm heart and that makes my heart very happy. Just the other day we were driving down the road and I looked back to see you holding Abigail's hand while she slept in the carseat next to you. You had the warmest smile on your face and it made dad and I feel so blessed to have you.



Your favorite thing to do right now is be at the park or outside playing in the yard. We got you a swingset this summer and you love to swing on it. You don't much care for the slide because according to you it "breaks your muscles". I don't know what you mean by this but we think it's funny when you say it. You have been helping me in the garden lately. You are learning about how plants grow and what they need to survive. You are great at determining if things are ready to be picked yet. Although you do not like radishes, you sure like picking them! I am excited that you want to know about where your food comes from. We do not want you thinking that your food magically get to the store. We put a lot of effort into teaching you about food and making healthy choices. A funny story that shows your heart of gold but also your love for certain foods here:
We recently purchased a half of a cow and a half of a pig. I was explaining to you that we were going to go and pick up the meat from our pig and cow. You thought we were going to go and get the animals and keep them. I gently explained to you that when animals are big that sometimes we use them for food. You did NOT want to have anything to do with eating animals. I reminded you that you eat chicken and pork and beef all the time and that our meat comes from the animals. You informed me that you were only going to be eating salad, tomatoes and cheese from now on. I told you that it is your choice if you want to eat meat or not. I then reminded you that your all time favorite food, bacon, was meat from a pig. You sat in the back seat quiet for a while. Then you said "mom, I guess I will eat salad, tomatoes, cheese aaaaaand bacon". I had quite the laugh after you said that. These are your reasoning skills at work and I love it! You are such a thinker!
Here are some of my favorite qualities about you. You are gentle, kind, FUNNY, loving to animals, understanding, cautious, generous, empathetic, agreeable, energetic and CUTE AS CAN BE! You are a JOY to parent Randall. Everyone who knows you, loves you. You are an amazing son and I am blessed to call you mine.
Love,
Momma

Letter to "L"

I feel like I'm supposed to be your mom. Is it too soon to feel this way? I don't think there is a handbook on this sort of thing, so I'm not sure. But who can tell you how you feel? They aren't here in my heart. I didn't think this would happen. I mean, I knew we'd get a kiddo from foster care at some point. I knew we'd attempt to adopt if we felt the situation fit and the time came. I just didn't imagine it would be this easy! Aside from a few health issues, this has been a breeze so far. In just a mere 6 weeks you have become a little part of our family. Randall loves you and you are his "Sissy". He is always concerned about what you are doing and where you are. Abigail hugs you all the time, and rubs your head if you cry. She gives you your binky when it falls and sometimes tries to steal it. You two will be thick as thieves. They both love that you are here with us. We all do.
We are still waiting for more answers about when we will be able to call you ours forever. Good things come to those who wait, right?
We are so excited to adopt you. We are willing to offer an open adoption to your tummy mom. Some people might not think this is a good thing. We feel that she is a part of your identity. We never want to keep you form knowing your past, because that is a part of who you are. We will not keep you from knowing your tummy mom.
We want you to know that you were not 'not wanted'. Your tummy mom knew she wasn't able to give you everything you need in life. We wanted you, prayed for you and dreamed of you. You were very much so wanted by us! Please know that you are loved!

"blue eyes" has stolen our hearts

So we were completely licensed to be foster/adopt parents on April 10Th 2010. I was ecstatic and was ready for a placement that second. No calls came. After 3 days I called my licensor to check in. Surely, there must have been a mix up and there were 10 kids waiting to be placed with us. There wasn't. And I furthered my licensor's suspicion of my insanity. Then I called the placement coordinator. Se said we'd be hearing from her soon. My hopes were soaring! Fast forward 3 weeks, and still no call. I'm going crazy! My phone is glued to my body, ringer on highest of the high and vibrate. Just in case my ears fail me, ya know.
So I'm laying in bed one morning. And I hear my phone. It's an unavailable number, could this be it???? It was homefinders! But it was for respite (short term). I was crushed :( I even asked how often respite kiddos become full placements. She said almost never. Crushed again. I reluctantly said yes to take her for the weekend with the hopes of getting our name out there and getting a full placement. On the plus side, she is 5 months old so I get to love on a baby all weekend!
She arrives and I just fall in love with her eyes. Big, bright, blue. Then she smiled....oh my heart melted. While I was talking with her foster mom she explained some things and said that she may not be adopting her. They adore her though, and it shows through. My heart about lept out of my chest, but I acted cool. We talked about seeing how the weekend went with her and then maybe seeing if she could become our full placement then on to adoption. *PAUSE* I'm pretty sure this was an out of body experience at this moment. Was this our chance? Did this ever really happen? Could this little doll of a baby be our baby at some point? ACK! *PLAY* Still acting cool. I want this to work out so badly. Foster mom leaves and I sit with baby on my lap and wait for Randy to get home. Randall and Abigail meet her. We read a few books and talk a bit. Randy walks in the door and I tell him the story. He is so easy going about it. I want to jump up and down and he is so calm. So I stay cool. (see this pattern?) We went about our evening, adding baby into our routine. Everything went off without a hitch. It was easy to see her be a part of our family. I must say, I was bonded at the moment I layed her down to bed. This needed to be her crib, in our house. We needed to be her family. Gotta be cool though, can't be the crazy wife.
That night was a long one. Baby was a bit sick, so she was up a lot. I was back on baby duty and running off full adrenaline. I was on cloud nine! I am crazy aren't I?
*FAST FORWARD* 2 days later she is adored by everyone in our family. She is the easiest baby and we fully intend to keep this little angel. After talking to foster mom a TON we both decided that first thing Monday morning we would talk to baby's caseworker.
So here we are. I am sitting writing a few words the night before we find out if we get to keep baby. There is, of course, no guarantee that if we get to keep her as a placement that we would get to adopt her. That is our plan. But the foster care system sometimes doesn't end up the way you think it will. We are scared and excited at the same time. We have fallen in love with this little gem in just a few short days. It just all seems too good to be true. Well in 10 hours we should know.....tune in!

And a couple more...

the love of a sibling

Oh how I wish time would slow down. My kids are growing up so fast that it sometimes doesn't seem possible that they are little people with thoughts, emotions, likes and dislikes. When did they turn into kids? They were little itty bitty babies just a few days ago it seems like. Oh the sadness in my heart :(
Oh but let me tell you, I love where they are right now. They are discovering their intense love for each other every day. Randall has loved Abigail since before she was even born. He has been a dream of a big brother. He has never been jealous, angry or mean to her in any way. He, in this sense, is perfect. They walk in the yard together and he helps her over the sticks or rocks. He runs into her room when we hear her in the monitor and yells "Look who's awake!! Hi stinker stinker poo!!!!" She squeals with delight. No one, not even mom, can make her smile like he does. I might be a bit jealous come to think of it...but they amaze me. There is something about their love for each other that makes this mom's heart insanely happy.
I sincerely hope their love for each other stays strong. A mom can only hope right?

Mom Fears (not sugar coated)

I have fears. Some are the normal fears, like creepy crawly things and dark basements. Other are a bit off the wall. I'll admit I can create some pretty crazy ones in the middle of the night when the house makes a funny noise or I have a scary dream. My famous line to my husband "you just never know, that could happen!!" He of course rolls his eyes and goes back to sleep. My dad always used to call me a "worry wart". And I will agree. I have been that way since day one. And I am seeing bitty glimpses of that in my son. Poor kid.
I have another category of fears called "mom fears". These are the fears I never dreamed I would have until I had kids. If you are a mom, you know what these are. The list is literally endless and thinking too deep into them might create even more, or like me, throw you into almost panic mode. My life has been so crazy lately that I don't have time to sit and think. I mean really think. Like past dinner time. And then I see a movie. Tonight I watched "The time travelers wife" with my dear husband. At the end the guy dies (sorry if I ruined it for you). He left behind his wife and 5 year old daughter. This, for me, is just the tip of my fears.
What if I die? What will my kids do, and how will they cope? Will Randy remarry and if he does, will they love that person more than me? Will she be good to them? In my eyes, no one, and I mean NO ONE will EVER be as good as me for my kids. Call it whatever you want but it's the truth. Those kids are part of my entire being, they are my identity. Without them I am not whole, I'm not me, I'm nothing. I think that's the way it was intended to be too.
Another fear? Terrorists/natural disasters/the world ending (yes all those). Basically these are the things that COULD happen at some point and leave our lives in ruin. Chaos, panic, death, sickness, famine are all things that MIGHT follow. If it was just me, I could deal with these things. I would say I'm a decently tough person and could handle it. In such chaos I may have to witness my children being scared, hungry, cold, sick, in pain. This is my ultimate fear. The one that takes the cake. I cannot fathom my kids suffering and it cuts me to the core to think of it. It's almost unnatural. I think back to the times in WWII when children were starved and tortured and taken right before their parents eyes. HOW HOW HOW????? There just are no words.
I am completely aware that this fear is far fetched. You are probably rolling your eyes. I know. Before I became a mom you had better believe these thoughts NEVER crossed my mind. But now.....
Here are some more things I fear and the weird things I do "just in case".
When going out to eat with just me and the kids, I sit near an exit in case someone comes in with a gun or some kind of weapon. I basically plan our escape route as we come in the door.
I am CONSTANTLY looking around everywhere we go and if someone doesn't look right I go away rather quickly. I may even leave the store if it really doesn't feel right.
I never return my cart at night when I have the kids with me. Because they would have to be alone in the car without me for 10 seconds while I walk 10 feet to return the cart, it just isn't worth it. I visualize some guy hoping in my car and kidnapping them.
I have everything in my house mapped out if an intruder came in (in my head, not on paper guys lol). I know where the kids and I would get out (while Randy took care of the intruder of course, cause that's what men do lol). I know where we would hide if it came to that.
I doubt this is normal, or maybe it is and I am just the only one who will write about it. Whatever the case may be, I worry. A lot. And 99% of it is about my kids. Those kids mean the world to me, and I'll be damned if I let anything happen to them.
So if you are a mom like me, know that you are not alone in your crazy worries. If you are going to be a parent, good luck with these new found fears lol. Now I'm going to go kiss my peacefully sleeping kids and scheme up another escape route out of my house. HAHA

foster care, in a nutshell

I'll make this short and sweet. We've gotten questions on how this foster-to-adopt thing will work lately so I will answer it for you. Of course, all situations might not fit this scenario but they all are generally the same(ish).
- A child is found to be in a home that is not suitable (neglect, abuse etc.)
- The child is removed from their home and placed into a foster home or with relative.
- The state then comes up with a parenting plan. This is basically a list of things this parent(s) MUST do to have their child returned to them. The parent is usually given one year to complete these things (this amount of time really gets me upset, but whatever)

The next part can go one of two ways:

- The parents complies with the plan and eventually is given their children back and the state continues to watch them for a certain amount of time.
- The parent does not comply with the plan or decided that they no longer want to have parental rights and the state grants a TPR (Termination of Parental Rights).
- The child then is then adopted by their foster parents/relative/adoptive parents.

We are in the foster parent/adoptive parents category. If all things go well, we should be licensed in April to begin taking foster placements(fingers crossed!)
We are taking age 0-3 and either boy or girl.

We are adopting..... WHY?

There are two types of people in this world, ones that find adoption to be the farthest thing from normal and the ones that think you are doing a great thing. We haven't even gotten into the meat and bones of adoption and already we have heard some things that have really got me irked (to say the least). I'll take a minute to answer a few of these so anyone reading knows my answer and doesn't have to ask these very iritating questions.

"Adoption? Why, you can have kids of your own."

Yes, I do have children of my own. But if you haven't noticed, there are some kids out there that don't have a real family, love, care, nourishment and safety. In our opinions, it's our human duty to make this world a better place. So why not share our blessings with a child that might otherwise end up beaten, abused and neglected for the rest of their childhood. Would you want a person like that walking around in society? No, so we are trying to keep that from happening. What innocent child deserves anything near that? NONE.

"Could you really love a kid that isn't yours?"

Wait, you mean we'll have to love this kid like our own??? Gee, I never thought about that!! YES. YES. YES. We can and WILL love the child like our own. We will have a forever child and they will have forever parents. Not only do we love kids, we have a safe, stable and loving home open and waiting for him/her. What person wouldn't want to share that?

"What if they have problems?"

You know, no child that has not been in the foster care system has ever had any sort of problems. There are many biological children that have problems as well. Yes, they may be different sorts of problems but it's not just foster kids. So when we take a child in, we stop the actions/people that are causing these problems. Hopefully stopping and reversing these problems. Helping them turn into normal (whatever that is) children again. Which is, in our eyes, their right.

"What will this do to your children? Won't in effect them?"

I sure hope it effects them! I pray it teaches them empathy, sympathy and love. I hope they understand that we are helping another human being and that it is not something that should be frowned upon. I want them to be proud of their sibling and love them for everything they are, past, present and future.

We are exstatic about the thought of adopting. The thought of bringing another kiddo into our family is fantastic! Just like when you are pregnant we talk about what he/she might look like, act like or sound like. Call us crazy. We could care less. Our family is going to grow by one. Maybe not the conventional way, but the best way for US.

a long week and mangled finger

I have weeks that go smooth as butter. Children are angels, appointments go smoothly, dinner makes itself (wait.....). Then there are weeks like this one. We are smack in the middle of about 10 different projects and "to-do lists". Putting new windows in has been a 4 week disaster. Fixing the inside of said windows because new windows are much more compact than 20 year old windows come to find out. We are in the middle of PRIDE classes. These are a 3 week course of 5 hour classes twice a week all about foster care and adoption. Don't get me wrong, these classes are amazingly interesting and we really enjoy them. BUT, with kids, this means we need a sitter. Having a sitter involves making plans, packing kids up, dropping kids off, going to class, picking kids up, coming home, getting to bed well over 2 hours late. This then makes for less sleep and grumpy kids and parents in the morning. But I have to remind myself this is only the tip of the frustrations that we will surely face in the next years on this journey to adoption. So get ready Christina! Our home will be inspected by the licensing department in exactly 24 days *GASP*. If you've ever been to our home you'd probably say "your home is clean already, no clutter blah blah blah". Well let me make a teeny tiny confession.....we're really good at hiding things. If you took a step downstairs you'd walk right into the Seaman Household Ground Zero. This ALL has to be cleaned, gone through, and gotten rid of. Kids=enormous amounts of stuff. Believe me. A normal person could get these things done even with 2 munchkins running around. But on top of my own munchkins, I watch 5 others as well. My days are crazy and fun and filled with laughter, songs and creativity. NOT cleaning. So that takes out A LOT of hours of time to prepare! *ACK* Randy works all day, so the poor man is put to work when he gets home. Bless that man!
Oh wait, you want to hear my finger story you say? OK I'll tell you. Let me first add that when it happened I was infuriated with myself. I was peeling a kiwi for my dear Randall with my new EXTRA sharp potato peeler that I requested for Christmas this last year. Dang that Christmas list! I was in a hurry trying to make Randall lunch so we could get to Abigail's doctor appointment. And in my haste I basically peeled my finger! It went straight through my nail and through my finger flesh. OUCH!!!!!! Blood everywhere, kiwi on the floor, hungry kid and a ticking clock. GRRR!!!!! I clean my mangled finger up, feed my kid, get everyone out the door and ON TIME. Supermom at it again *RIGHT*. My thumb is bundled in gauze and tape. Typing looks ridiculous I'm sure.
So these are the few things going on in our wild ride of life right now. *PHEW!*
Next on my list of things to do: hire a maid.

Introducing.....

This is my super sweet son Randall. He is the cutest little boy I know. He's a keeper!

This is my darling daughter Abigail. I adore every ounce of her :)

**Photo credit to Kristin Billiau**

When did I become a blogger?

My name is Christina. I am a mom to 2 wonderful/beautiful/amazing children. Randall is my sweet/loving/cautious little boy. Abigail is my silly/beautiful/cuddly baby girl. They are by far, the most amazing things I have ever or will ever be blessed with. My husband Randy is the greatest man on the planet and I don't deserve him most of the time. I adore every bit of him and am blessed to be HIS wife. I won't pretend to be the best writer in the world. Nor will I assume that all people want to read this blog. But to make my brain shut off every night I usually have this insane urge to empty my brain of every thought I've ever had. EVER. I'm pretty confident in saying that my husband doesn't want to hear everything I have to say each night before bed. But God bless the man for trying! My blog posts will usually consist of things to do with my daily life. Those things are basically my kids and my husband. Our new journey into foster parenting/adoption will probably be thrown in there too. I will also try to add pictures as I am TERRIBLE at keeping updated pictures up. Follow my blog if you wish! I would love to include you in our wild ride of life!