Mom Fears (not sugar coated)

I have fears. Some are the normal fears, like creepy crawly things and dark basements. Other are a bit off the wall. I'll admit I can create some pretty crazy ones in the middle of the night when the house makes a funny noise or I have a scary dream. My famous line to my husband "you just never know, that could happen!!" He of course rolls his eyes and goes back to sleep. My dad always used to call me a "worry wart". And I will agree. I have been that way since day one. And I am seeing bitty glimpses of that in my son. Poor kid.
I have another category of fears called "mom fears". These are the fears I never dreamed I would have until I had kids. If you are a mom, you know what these are. The list is literally endless and thinking too deep into them might create even more, or like me, throw you into almost panic mode. My life has been so crazy lately that I don't have time to sit and think. I mean really think. Like past dinner time. And then I see a movie. Tonight I watched "The time travelers wife" with my dear husband. At the end the guy dies (sorry if I ruined it for you). He left behind his wife and 5 year old daughter. This, for me, is just the tip of my fears.
What if I die? What will my kids do, and how will they cope? Will Randy remarry and if he does, will they love that person more than me? Will she be good to them? In my eyes, no one, and I mean NO ONE will EVER be as good as me for my kids. Call it whatever you want but it's the truth. Those kids are part of my entire being, they are my identity. Without them I am not whole, I'm not me, I'm nothing. I think that's the way it was intended to be too.
Another fear? Terrorists/natural disasters/the world ending (yes all those). Basically these are the things that COULD happen at some point and leave our lives in ruin. Chaos, panic, death, sickness, famine are all things that MIGHT follow. If it was just me, I could deal with these things. I would say I'm a decently tough person and could handle it. In such chaos I may have to witness my children being scared, hungry, cold, sick, in pain. This is my ultimate fear. The one that takes the cake. I cannot fathom my kids suffering and it cuts me to the core to think of it. It's almost unnatural. I think back to the times in WWII when children were starved and tortured and taken right before their parents eyes. HOW HOW HOW????? There just are no words.
I am completely aware that this fear is far fetched. You are probably rolling your eyes. I know. Before I became a mom you had better believe these thoughts NEVER crossed my mind. But now.....
Here are some more things I fear and the weird things I do "just in case".
When going out to eat with just me and the kids, I sit near an exit in case someone comes in with a gun or some kind of weapon. I basically plan our escape route as we come in the door.
I am CONSTANTLY looking around everywhere we go and if someone doesn't look right I go away rather quickly. I may even leave the store if it really doesn't feel right.
I never return my cart at night when I have the kids with me. Because they would have to be alone in the car without me for 10 seconds while I walk 10 feet to return the cart, it just isn't worth it. I visualize some guy hoping in my car and kidnapping them.
I have everything in my house mapped out if an intruder came in (in my head, not on paper guys lol). I know where the kids and I would get out (while Randy took care of the intruder of course, cause that's what men do lol). I know where we would hide if it came to that.
I doubt this is normal, or maybe it is and I am just the only one who will write about it. Whatever the case may be, I worry. A lot. And 99% of it is about my kids. Those kids mean the world to me, and I'll be damned if I let anything happen to them.
So if you are a mom like me, know that you are not alone in your crazy worries. If you are going to be a parent, good luck with these new found fears lol. Now I'm going to go kiss my peacefully sleeping kids and scheme up another escape route out of my house. HAHA

foster care, in a nutshell

I'll make this short and sweet. We've gotten questions on how this foster-to-adopt thing will work lately so I will answer it for you. Of course, all situations might not fit this scenario but they all are generally the same(ish).
- A child is found to be in a home that is not suitable (neglect, abuse etc.)
- The child is removed from their home and placed into a foster home or with relative.
- The state then comes up with a parenting plan. This is basically a list of things this parent(s) MUST do to have their child returned to them. The parent is usually given one year to complete these things (this amount of time really gets me upset, but whatever)

The next part can go one of two ways:

- The parents complies with the plan and eventually is given their children back and the state continues to watch them for a certain amount of time.
- The parent does not comply with the plan or decided that they no longer want to have parental rights and the state grants a TPR (Termination of Parental Rights).
- The child then is then adopted by their foster parents/relative/adoptive parents.

We are in the foster parent/adoptive parents category. If all things go well, we should be licensed in April to begin taking foster placements(fingers crossed!)
We are taking age 0-3 and either boy or girl.

We are adopting..... WHY?

There are two types of people in this world, ones that find adoption to be the farthest thing from normal and the ones that think you are doing a great thing. We haven't even gotten into the meat and bones of adoption and already we have heard some things that have really got me irked (to say the least). I'll take a minute to answer a few of these so anyone reading knows my answer and doesn't have to ask these very iritating questions.

"Adoption? Why, you can have kids of your own."

Yes, I do have children of my own. But if you haven't noticed, there are some kids out there that don't have a real family, love, care, nourishment and safety. In our opinions, it's our human duty to make this world a better place. So why not share our blessings with a child that might otherwise end up beaten, abused and neglected for the rest of their childhood. Would you want a person like that walking around in society? No, so we are trying to keep that from happening. What innocent child deserves anything near that? NONE.

"Could you really love a kid that isn't yours?"

Wait, you mean we'll have to love this kid like our own??? Gee, I never thought about that!! YES. YES. YES. We can and WILL love the child like our own. We will have a forever child and they will have forever parents. Not only do we love kids, we have a safe, stable and loving home open and waiting for him/her. What person wouldn't want to share that?

"What if they have problems?"

You know, no child that has not been in the foster care system has ever had any sort of problems. There are many biological children that have problems as well. Yes, they may be different sorts of problems but it's not just foster kids. So when we take a child in, we stop the actions/people that are causing these problems. Hopefully stopping and reversing these problems. Helping them turn into normal (whatever that is) children again. Which is, in our eyes, their right.

"What will this do to your children? Won't in effect them?"

I sure hope it effects them! I pray it teaches them empathy, sympathy and love. I hope they understand that we are helping another human being and that it is not something that should be frowned upon. I want them to be proud of their sibling and love them for everything they are, past, present and future.

We are exstatic about the thought of adopting. The thought of bringing another kiddo into our family is fantastic! Just like when you are pregnant we talk about what he/she might look like, act like or sound like. Call us crazy. We could care less. Our family is going to grow by one. Maybe not the conventional way, but the best way for US.

a long week and mangled finger

I have weeks that go smooth as butter. Children are angels, appointments go smoothly, dinner makes itself (wait.....). Then there are weeks like this one. We are smack in the middle of about 10 different projects and "to-do lists". Putting new windows in has been a 4 week disaster. Fixing the inside of said windows because new windows are much more compact than 20 year old windows come to find out. We are in the middle of PRIDE classes. These are a 3 week course of 5 hour classes twice a week all about foster care and adoption. Don't get me wrong, these classes are amazingly interesting and we really enjoy them. BUT, with kids, this means we need a sitter. Having a sitter involves making plans, packing kids up, dropping kids off, going to class, picking kids up, coming home, getting to bed well over 2 hours late. This then makes for less sleep and grumpy kids and parents in the morning. But I have to remind myself this is only the tip of the frustrations that we will surely face in the next years on this journey to adoption. So get ready Christina! Our home will be inspected by the licensing department in exactly 24 days *GASP*. If you've ever been to our home you'd probably say "your home is clean already, no clutter blah blah blah". Well let me make a teeny tiny confession.....we're really good at hiding things. If you took a step downstairs you'd walk right into the Seaman Household Ground Zero. This ALL has to be cleaned, gone through, and gotten rid of. Kids=enormous amounts of stuff. Believe me. A normal person could get these things done even with 2 munchkins running around. But on top of my own munchkins, I watch 5 others as well. My days are crazy and fun and filled with laughter, songs and creativity. NOT cleaning. So that takes out A LOT of hours of time to prepare! *ACK* Randy works all day, so the poor man is put to work when he gets home. Bless that man!
Oh wait, you want to hear my finger story you say? OK I'll tell you. Let me first add that when it happened I was infuriated with myself. I was peeling a kiwi for my dear Randall with my new EXTRA sharp potato peeler that I requested for Christmas this last year. Dang that Christmas list! I was in a hurry trying to make Randall lunch so we could get to Abigail's doctor appointment. And in my haste I basically peeled my finger! It went straight through my nail and through my finger flesh. OUCH!!!!!! Blood everywhere, kiwi on the floor, hungry kid and a ticking clock. GRRR!!!!! I clean my mangled finger up, feed my kid, get everyone out the door and ON TIME. Supermom at it again *RIGHT*. My thumb is bundled in gauze and tape. Typing looks ridiculous I'm sure.
So these are the few things going on in our wild ride of life right now. *PHEW!*
Next on my list of things to do: hire a maid.

Introducing.....

This is my super sweet son Randall. He is the cutest little boy I know. He's a keeper!

This is my darling daughter Abigail. I adore every ounce of her :)

**Photo credit to Kristin Billiau**

When did I become a blogger?

My name is Christina. I am a mom to 2 wonderful/beautiful/amazing children. Randall is my sweet/loving/cautious little boy. Abigail is my silly/beautiful/cuddly baby girl. They are by far, the most amazing things I have ever or will ever be blessed with. My husband Randy is the greatest man on the planet and I don't deserve him most of the time. I adore every bit of him and am blessed to be HIS wife. I won't pretend to be the best writer in the world. Nor will I assume that all people want to read this blog. But to make my brain shut off every night I usually have this insane urge to empty my brain of every thought I've ever had. EVER. I'm pretty confident in saying that my husband doesn't want to hear everything I have to say each night before bed. But God bless the man for trying! My blog posts will usually consist of things to do with my daily life. Those things are basically my kids and my husband. Our new journey into foster parenting/adoption will probably be thrown in there too. I will also try to add pictures as I am TERRIBLE at keeping updated pictures up. Follow my blog if you wish! I would love to include you in our wild ride of life!